понеделник, януари 14


Health Special: Lobster Struck Down by "Annoyer's Block"

Lobster Blogster has been struck down by the very rare, and probably fatal condition, known as "Annoyer's Block". The symptoms are:
The Lobster is sitting here, surrounded by cards and flowers sent by well-wishers, but still there is not an annoying thought in sight. An over-whelming sense of calm, and even good feeling has befallen the Lobster, and he finds himself simply unable to get the necessary attack juices flowing. Apologies to my hundreds of regular readers who are missing their daily dose of aquatic fun.

It's even more amazing that the Lobster has been so afflicted, when you consider the number of easy targets which are out there at the moment, just waiting to have the mickey taken out of them. No not sitting ducks like Peter Hain, mortally wounded and just hoping that the final blow is a clean one, nor even George Osbourne, whose undeclared donations are so large he could retire on the interest.

Consider perhaps Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg who has vowed to "break the two-party system" in UK politics for good. What happens is his policy is more successful than he dreams of, and we end up with not three party politics, but four or even five? That way, the Lib Dems could be heading down the list, not up. Careful what you wish for, Mr Clegg, it might come true. Then there's the ever charming Mr Dale, who recently held a Masterclass in Debating for Ignorant People. Top tips: Hold strong opinions, but don't say why; Quote your opposition's position, but don't include a link (then no one will know if they really said it, or you just made it up); Get your facts wrong, be grumpy about being corrected, then misquote the correction to overstate your own case (sorry Daley, Worstall says there's a carbon cost to running a nuclear power station, not just building one).

But perhaps the easiest target out there just at moment is the lovely Watford Borough Council Planning and Development Department. Despite the Audit Commission heaping on praise the " Council is successfully investing in infrastructure - for example a cycle map, ...", the Planning Department have managed to create a cycle map of the town with a series of concentric rings centred on the Town Hall, marked as miles, but in fact covering distances of kilometres. The planners have hit on the idea that best way to respond to such a cock-up is to pretend it didn't happen. The map is still freely available on the web, and the matter will be tackled at the next "map review" meeting, although there is no review scheduled, and no actual format for such a review in any case.

If only the Lobster had not been completely debilitated by this infernal Annoyer's Block, he would be able to bring these stories as usual. Hopefully the Lobster will be back to full fitness in the near future, and back knocking the silly people who need to come down a peg or two. We will bring you further news as soon as we have it.

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