вторник, декември 18


Internet's Biggest Liar: UPDATE

Lobster Blogster's recent claim that Paul Staines is the Internet's biggest liar was well received by the recently formed Liberal Conspiracy. Probably Staines himself, who can never resist boosting his own self-image, was secretly pleased by the superlative too.

However Staines now seems to be fashioning himself as an Irish Supremacist, with this curious post centred around a book title. Conveniently over-looking the fact that St Patrick was an English missionary, Staines alludes to the notion that only the Irish can save Europe from "the bureaucrats". Staines was first tarred by the racist brush back in May 1996, when he tried to form a link between his branch of the Federation of Conservative Students and the British National Party.

You can read the original Guardian article in full here. Contrary to any assertion by Staines or his bogus publishing company, the article was never withdrawn by the paper, and is freely available at the British Library Newspapers Collection in Collingdale.

Festive Greetings!
Blogging is likely to be a bit light here at Lobster Blogster what with various Winterval events coming up, and even a wedding in Bath. Do tune back in the New Year, or maybe the Spring Equinox if you want to read about more wacky goings on at Watford Borough Council, or even further afield. If you want to get in touch before then, you can always try "mipela lawyerman", but do allow for local tides. Adios amigos!

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Master Forger at Work

The UK government is not having a good time of it at the moment, with respect to IT cock-ups galore. What with losing 25 million child benefit records, three year's worth of driving test records and a lamentable health service records scheme which is years behind schedule.

Now, years ahead of the proposed ID cards scheme, Lobster Blogster can exclusively reveal that home-made ID cards as being forged at kitchen tables up and down the land. Incredibly, even biometric photo-ID cards are being created, using "scissors and glue" technology.

Pictured are two examples. On the left, clearly displaying the biometric (bloodgroup) information "O Rh Positive" and a special code, W06645870, which is known to exist in a secure and confidential national database, a photo of Britain's most wanted man has been affixed using a strong glue. The resulting home-made biometric photo ID is actually entirely legal, and will pass muster at even the strictest of health service scrutineers.

A second fake home-made ID card, again using the image of the UK's top master forger, is shown on the right. Although this card simply would not work in a cash point machine, it can be used to guarantee a cheque for up to £100! Once again this is completely legal.

Each of the cards has been made from re-used materials, and has been manufactured at a fraction of the cost of the national ID card scheme. It the government would like to send the Lobster a small token of their appreciation, say £1 million pounds in used £5 notes, then they are free to use this idea and save the country billions. For security, each photo has a secret message hidden behind it, thus making these IDs virtually unforgeable. The original manufacturer and only the original manufacturer will be able to determine the validity of these documents.

WARNING: do not approach the man pictured. He has been known to scare leading Lib Dems, and even make one or two cry. Apparently he is even banned from the Customer Service Centre at Watford Town Hall.


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