петък, декември 7


Hi-De-Hi! Mornin' Campers!!!

We've had a report of a baby crying, in block 4QQ. Please try to keep the noise down when going past this chalet. There has been such a rackett that someone has already had to make a sharpe warning to the GPL. The chalet is on the Junction of the busy A440 and A426, so we do understand if the odd HGV may need to toot his horn as they bomb past.
{note to editor: check splelling of undrelinned wrods - aslo chek meenin of internals GPL}

Other news:
It now takes a meeting of the NW Bananacrat Executive Committee, 7.15pm Thurs 17/12/07 (bring your own biscuits) to decide what notices can be put in the window! Whatever next? A referendum before they can decide whether to flush the toilet!?!!

Football latest:
No news on who should be the chosen one just yet - watch this space
~ ♠ ♠
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~ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ USA ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ >>>>>+=>
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for all the news as it happens.
Update 1: are we ready for takeoff, or is it just space monkeys buggering around?

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сряда, декември 5


Enjoy the Panto!



Missing: Diamond Pastry Cutter

As you can see from the photo on the right, one of the Lobster's pastry cutter's has gone missing. It's the diamond one, which cuts the sharpest, and makes the tastiest biscuits. Today being 5th December (bonfire night in Watford, we're exactly one month behind every one else in the UK), the Lobster has one or two tasks to do around the house, before getting ready to go out to see the panto at the Palace Theatre. In a moment, Lobster Blogster will head off to fetch his DIY overalls from the garage (in fetching BT colours, of course), so that he can get on with the big task of decorating the bathroom. Oh, and maybe he might pop in to his local Lib Dem offices, just to pass the time away a bit, and see how they feel about him raking up some leaves at the local park. What could possibly go wrong (today)?

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Crisis Council: Pied Piper was Right!

Come to Watford, and enjoy watching the rats fleeing a sinking ship!



Dodgy Dealings and Other Ways to Get Your Xmas List Done

Psst! Wanna hear some gossip?

(Shh..., keep this right under your hat.) PragueTory knows the gen on Cameron's visit to Prague March 2006. Either that or someone else in Hlavni Mesto Praha knows what went on, and is blackmailling PT.

That, Mr Dale, is top quality goss, the type that changes hands for a lot of money in the Lobster's home turf of Callowland. While we're on the subject of Watford Oligopoly, here's a quick run down of some of the other districts in Watford, and their dominant species:
The Lobster's real name is mud just at moment. Some yobbo has been mouthing it off down at the Customer Service Centre at the Town Hall. If you've spent three seconds googling and figured it out, like some very over-priced poncy lawyers, then feel free to stroll right into Watford and impersonate the Lobster. Watch out though, almost everyone on my "manor" knows me by name or by face, and the Old Bill certainly do, what "wiv me gettin' sacked from two jobs last Friday."

Lobster "white van man" Blogster and his darling wife, Mrs Justice Lobster, are off to the panto tomorrow evening at Watford Palace Theatre. Due to some "last minute" cancellations, we "just happened" to get two of the best seats in the stalls. Do come along too if you can make it!

Running a bit late, I know, but here is the Lobster's Xmas list:
  1. egg coddler
  2. drinking glass chess game - TJ Hughes
  3. badminton rackett - ASDAs
  4. scorpion darts (i.e. fake lobster darts) - ASDAs
  5. book - Sir Michael Dannett - biog
  6. Châteaux Le Vieux Cèdre - 1998
  7. Minervois - 1999
  8. book - anything by Thich Nhat Hanh
  9. you choose
  10. health, wealth and happiness
Have a good one if I don't see you before Christmas Eve!

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вторник, декември 4


Winterval No 1.

Lobster Blogster's tickets are already reserved. See you at Conway Hall.



Not Everyone That F'ing Lies ...

... May Be Eaten!*

Planet Earth is expecting a visit from a giant flying monkey god from outer-space, by the name of Big King Umbongo, in the very near future. Lobster Blogster respectfully advises BKU that although he is perfectly entitled to take away and eat as many young virgins, and Lying Liberal Bananacrats, as he can lay his six hands on, not everything with wings is entirely palatable. Take a lion for instance. Because it is carnivorous, the flesh is not good to eat. Even if there were a lion which evolved wings, it still would leave a bad taste in the mouth.

*The quotation above is a slight adaptation of the Bulgarian translation for "All the glisters is not gold" in Българско-Ангийски Речник, T. Atanassova and others Sofia 1975.

Other news
Telling lies can:
Take a look at the two anonymised models below and see if you can spot who tells the most lies?

Couldn't resist a couple of small clues! One pretends to be an anti-cover-up campaigner, the other is Ms Whip lash. Enjoy!

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понеделник, декември 3


Operations: cross border operations have now been authorised

Some parts re-posted from MacDonalds Community Noticeboard, St Albans Road, Watford

A great eco-crime is about to be committed. On Tuesday, Barratts Homes intend to cut down over one hundred trees at the British Waterways Board site in Church Road, Watford. Mrs Sally Rose Ivins, also of Church Road, wanted to take the case to the High Court to get a proper environmental assessment made, but could not cover the £1.8M indemnity that was required. No local backers were found. It was therefore with the greatest reluctance that Mr Lobster Blogster felt it was necessary to take direct action in the form of criminal damage. An incident has been recorded by the local police. The Lobster now faces many years in a watery prison, because of his personal belief that to kill a mature tree is an eco-crime. To chop down 106 PROTECTED TREES is surely evidence of serious malpractice within Watford Borough Council's Planning Office (Councillor details are out of date here, but Sally aka Harkin Larkin' won't mind a call. She came to Mr & Mrs Lobster's nuptials at the town hall, and seemed to want to argue with everyone there. Just tell her I've still got the "after Lichtenstein" photo, and will publish it if pushed!)

When the Lobster made an enquiry as to whether the final Planning Application had been completed, the Lobster was told "it could not be found". Swampy, Merlin and Arthur Pendragon will not be pleased! Even the boy scouts will be upset about this one, as Lobster Blogster has learnt that the site is part of a Smoke Control Area.

Other news:

Live blog from WC Library (PC24), trialing the new Cirque Cruise Cat GDU500 available from www.keytools.com

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